Bob Replying to Kate on ED and Affairs

Hi Kate –

Men hold a lot of fear over sex, especially when their you-know-what hasn't been working properly.  Don't be fooled by the bravado.  Deep down inside every man is a scared little boy, even when they're in their 40s and 50s.  And this problem adds to their performance anxiety and the idea that every woman is looking for a 25-inch, hung-like-a-yak stud.

You can say all that you will that they shouldn't – that it's a medical thing that can be fixed – but the last thing any guy wants to do is see a doctor.  Especially for THAT!  

He'd rather die.

It took us two years to get pregnant.  Before putting my wife through any operations, I thought I better get myself checked out. Making the appointment was a bitch.  

"Why do you want to see the doctor?" the receptionist kept asking.  "I just want to have a private chat -- no more than 15 minutes.  Is that too difficult to arrange?"

I get into his examining room and I just blurted out the issue.  

"Well," the doctor said calmly, "we need to make sure you've got enough swimmers."  

Of course, that meant beating off in a cup.  Not at his office – Thank God! – but at another doctor's office that specialized in looking at that sort of thing.  The whole lead up to the event scared the bejesus out me.  Fortunately, it was a morning appointment, so I could get it over with. 

A hot Latina receptionist showed me the room where I was to, you know, and pointed out the cup for the you-know and the cupboard where it was to be placed.  After she left, I couldn't do a damn thing.  Plus the room was filled with lesbian porn, not exactly my interest.  In time, I did what needed to get done and left, more embarrassed than ever before.

Five days later, the doctor called, saying all was fine.  A month later, my wife was expecting.  So it all worked out.

So this is going to take a lot of love and understanding on your part.  I'm not suggesting it'll be easy.  I'm sure it will have its moments.  Just know your husband is holding a lot of demons about this.

As for affairs and FWB situations, I’m with you.  You can find something quick and transactional, and I’m sure there are a lot of men who are looking for that.  At least that’s what it seems.  But I’m with you.  I’m not interested in the affair because the affair all too often ends when the sex loses its spark.  

A relationship outside of the marriage, especially an intimate one, should be more than transactional.  At least that’s the way I see it.  I’m sure that puts me at odds with many who’ve had affairs or think they know what affairs are like.  But if I can’t have an emotional and mental connection with someone – that chemistry, if you will – I prefer to be alone.

I hope you’re having a great day.  As for me, lots of work -- professional and personal -- that needs to be completed.

I love our correspondence.

Hugs,

Bob